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Caloroga Shock Media. Hey there, I'm Johnny Mack with your
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daily Comedy News, a daily briefing on stand up comedy,
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comedians and the comedy industry. Rob Schneider has jumped on
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social media to clarify his comments about the mandatory draft.
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He posted, you are missing the point. Missing the point
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in all caps Schneider's theory if nobody is exempt from
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military service, then poor and wealthy families alike would have
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a shared military connection. Don't worry, Rob, someone will be exempt,
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and it won't be the poor. Schneider said Congress would
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think long and hard before sending American troops into another
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far away war that isn't vital to our national survival.
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Rob Rob, Robert, Rob, Rob, Rob. Are you paying attention
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to the news. Do you think Congress does anything about anything?
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Do you think Congress isn't going to have figured out
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a way so their kids don't have to go? Come on, man,
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Rob said, no more cavalier decisions, No more other people's
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kids dying while their own kids stay safe at Ivy
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League schools or in Beverly Hills. Schneider said, then the
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nation might stop treating itinst the military like disposable chess pieces.
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I'm with you there, Rob, but uh yeah, let me
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know when Congress does anything. John Stewart ripped into the
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President of the United States. Not over the war, No,
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John Stuart was more interested in the White House ballroom project,
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which it seems increasingly clear is just a cover story
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for a new bunker being built. The New York Times
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had reported over the weekend that designs for the ballroom
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show fake windows on the north side and columns that
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would block the interior ballroom view. There's also a grand
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staircase that does not lead to an entrance. John Stewart
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on The Daily Show said, okay, woke New York Times.
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When mc escher does that, it's art. Well, but you
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put it on an actual building and suddenly it's this
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doesn't make any sense, and I appear to be trapped
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if you ours. After the Times report, President Trump spoke
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to the press. He was on Air Force One reporters,
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I'm fighting wars and other things, but this is very
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important because this is going to be with us for
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a long time, and I think it'll be the greatest
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ballroom anywhere in the world. John Stewart responded to that
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and said for the ballroom, Trump will put in an
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all nighter for a point by point rebuttal, but for
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the war, he literally doesn't have the focused answer one question.
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White House Press Secretary Carolyn Livett said, President Trump and
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his lead architect have built world class buildings around the world,
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and they're ensuring the People's House finally as a beautiful
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ballroom that's been needed for decades at no expense to
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the tax payer. Remember that last part there, Whitney Cummings,
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she's getting political. She was guest hosting the view. She
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was discussing how FBI Director Cash Bettel's emails had been leaked.
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She said, I mean, if Cash wanted his emails not
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to get released, he should have just c sed Jeffrey
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Epstein on them. That is a great line and a
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great point. Moving away from politics. Finally, John Billboard has
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published the February box Score Report to see who the
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top touring comedians were for February twenty twenty six. Do
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you want to guess? Yes, you were correct? Number one
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again Naprighatzy. He has led for six of the last
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seven months. The only month he wasn't number one was
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in December when John Mulaney took the crown number two,
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Joe Coy three, Cant Williams four, Bert Kreischer five, Jim Gaffigan.
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Andrew Schultz, who once appeared in the headline in the
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New York Times June twenty third, twenty twenty five, Andrew
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Schultz might be America's foremost political journalist. That's right, The
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New York Times said, Andrew Schultz might be America's foremost
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political journalist. This is a real thing that happened in
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the New York Times. It's I know you're like John,
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It's April Fool's Day. No one is gonna believe that's
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the story that appeared in the New York Times. They're
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not crazy. No, I'm telling you this is not an
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April Fools joke. On June twenty third, twenty twenty five,
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they wrote the headline, Andrew Schultz might be America's foremost
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political journalist. He also, I'll add, might be America's foremost actor.
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That's right. He's going to appear in a new film.
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It's called Clashing through the Snow. It's described as planes, trains,
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and automobiles for the gen Z generation. It centers on
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two rival coworkers at a book publisher who are forced
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to travel cross country when bad weather grounds all available flights.
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They should just rewrite this and say the TSA lines
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are fourteen hours long, and they decide to drive now. Yes.
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Andrew Schultz, possibly America's greatest political journalist, will play Walder,
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a janitor with a close personal connection to the character
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played by Christopher Briney, who is a type A commerce
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focused editor. Zarni Guard plays Gail, whose unexpected god in
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steers a character played by Michelle Randolph, a creative, freethinking
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editor in a pivotal direction during the trip sounds very complicated.
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Can't wait for it? Mack Packer Andy Samberg. He will
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start in forty two point six Years, a romantic comedy.
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Samberg was originally going to star opposite Gene Smart. Gene
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has now pulled out of it and has been replaced
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by five time Oscar nominee Annette Benning. In forty two
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point six Years, we follow ben played by Mack Packer
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Andy Samberg, who, after an experimental procedure leaves him cryogenically
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frozen for forty two point six years, sets out to
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reconnect with his ex girlfriend played by Anette Benning. He
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has an age today. She's lived an entire lifetime without him.
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John mulaney was a guest on The Late Show with
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star Trek Ruin or Stephen Colbert. Laney told a story
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about visiting Graceland. As the story goes, John mulaney says,
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his son, Malcolm, who's four, is a huge fan of
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Elvis Presley, because of course he is. John said, and
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I said to him, do you want to get a
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tour of Elvis's house? And he was like, elvis House awesome.
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Laney says, we're walking through, and the guy goes, we're
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gonna show you some special spots because you're performing here
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at Graceland. My son goes, I want to go on
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the roof. They weren't able to visit the roof. However,
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they were able to visit Elvis's jungle room. Malaney said,
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we're looking around and Malcolm goes, Dad, can I meet
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Elvis now? And it never come up. While listening to
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hound Dog, you don't go, son, you know this guy's dead.
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Right then I realized all his grandparents aren't alive, and
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he's never had a goldfish, and he doesn't know he's
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about to find out in the jungle room at Graceland
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that everybody dies. Laney explained to his son, Elvis is
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in heaven now. His son said, why. John Mulaney, as
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he tells the story, said, sometimes when people are in
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their early forties and they have a job at a
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schedule a lot like daddy, and some of the same
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issues as Daddy, they go to the bathroom and they
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go to heaven. Wow, that's pretty good. Eddie Murphy winner
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of the fifty first AFI Life Achievement Award. Well Netflix
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will televise the fifty first AFI Life Achievement Award, a
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Tribute to Eddie Murphy on Netflix May thirty first. The
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award will be presented to Eddie Murphy in LA on
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April eighteenth. According to the AFI, Eddie Murphy is the
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most commercially successful African American actor in the history of
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the motion picture business and as one of the industry's
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top five box office performers overall. W Camal Bell, Melissa
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Via Signor, and Joel Kim Booster are going to perform
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in San Francisco. They'll be at the Immigration Institute of
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the Bay Area hosting the tenth annual Comedy Night for
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immigrant rights. April thirtieth is that event Want of Pikes
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was on Charlemagne, the God. Charlemagne said, the thing I
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used to love about the Chris Rock Show, it was
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just full of uncomfortable truths. Even that whole era was
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full of uncomfortable truths. Right, do you think comedy's still
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a ought to be that honest? Are we in an
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era now where everybody wants jokes but they don't want
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the truth that comes with it. Wanta said, no, you
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know what, I think You're allowed to do it, but
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it's just who wants to do it. You know what
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I'm saying. If I'm trying to fill an arena, you
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know what I'm saying, you can't be that common. You
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gotta appeal to the masses. And sometimes right now with
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the masses want to hear it's ugly, you know, want
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to continue it to a lot of people like to
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be the critic. They want to be the police. It's like,
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if you say something it might offend you, but you
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got to look at where that person's coming from. You know,
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maybe their life, their perspective is different from what you know. Yeah,
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you're offended, You're not standing in my shoes you don't
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see it from my perspective, so I think that's what
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we've gotten away from. I always try to punch up,
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but that's me. However, she said, if you punch down
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and it's funny, I'm gonna laugh. Apparently, the Shepherd Express
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is your home for comedy news. We've got back to
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back stories from The Shepherd Express. In story number one,
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they caught up with Maria Bamford. She said, I think
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I have a trimmer and it makes everything seem like
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I'm nervous. But I don't feel nervous. I just look
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like I'm afraid. Bamford said, I need to entertain myself,
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so that's a shell just keep myself from being bored.
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She also added, my friendship with my sister. I stopped
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doing jokes about her and now we're best friends. Next thing,
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Maria Bamford would love to accomplish. I'd love to be
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on a TV show for five lines a week in
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a wig. Meanwhile, Jackie Kashin also caught up with these
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Shepherd Express. Jackie said growing up she wasn't thinking of
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being a comedian. She said, I wanted to act. I
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think I certainly played a lot of what a FUNSI
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was on the Starship Enterprise and acted out of all
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the parts I'd watch that, I vaguely remember answering that
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I wanted to be a lawyer or a teacher of
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Forrest Ranger. When asked, I went to UW. Madison. There
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was a comedy club. We went to it. I went
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to open Mic three weeks after seeing the show, and
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I was hooked. I don't know how to explain it,
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but it felt like I was looking for stand up forever.
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She recalls a night in nineteen eighty four she went
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to a Madison comedy club, got drunk, heckled the comedian
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on stage, and he couldn't shut me up, and sally
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for the rest of the audience. I wasn't kicked out.
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The club manager came over and said, open Mic is
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on Sundays now, will you shut up? And I did.
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The comic guy heckled Sam Kennison. How could Sam Kinnison
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not shut you down? That seems hard to believe. I'm
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not gonna pull up. That seems hard to believe that
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Sam Kinnison couldn't slam a heckler. Jackie said, comedy right now,
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it's crazy out in the world and there are two
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kinds of comedy. I like seeing now very open about
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the things we're all living through, mostly to relieve the
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pressure and to make people know they aren't alone a crazy.
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The other kind of comedy is just normal, driving, family,
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food and relationship material, which is the kind of fun
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comedy you just keep writing to matter what the situation. TJ.
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Miller keeps talking about the next Deadpool film. I think
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he wants to get back into that franchise. Supposedly, Ryan
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Reynolds told TJ Miller about it. TJ said, I'll say
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his idea for the next Deadpool film is like really good.
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You know, it's really smart. He told me the idea.
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I kind of got hair on the back of my
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neck standing up because I was just like, I didn't
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think you could do something that's even more different than
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Deadpool and Wolverine. I don't know what's gonna happen, because
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he's got a couple other projects going. I mean, I
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always liked him and I always thought he's the funniest.
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I mean, what are you gonna say, hey, Ryan, that's
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a terrible idea. I hate your idea for the Deadpool movie.
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I don't want to be at it, DJ said, Ryan
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is really a powerhouse in terms of the comedy and
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specifically Deadpool. He's coming to be a real friend and
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he's at our back and I've tried to have his
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because I mean, the Internet is just such an evil,
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cruel place, so despicable. And let's see what's happening in Melbourne.
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So I have to work a day ahead for you
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Americans because the listener's down Under by the time they
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get the show. If I'm not wearing a day ahead,
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they're gonna be like, yeah, thanks John. That show started
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at thirty minutes ago. So Thursday at eleven thirty in
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the morning, it's the Class Clowns National Grand Final. Who
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will be crowned Australia's funniest high school I like this
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a month long search for the country's brightest young comedy talent.
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Class Clowns is a national secondary school comedy competition inviting
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young people to unleash their creative talents through stand up, sketch,
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musical comedy or physical performance. And then if you'll need
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something at night, how about six pm good time for show.
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We can see a show and go home and go
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to bed. That's great. It's Australia's Funniest Lawyers, featuring a
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lineup of criminal prosecutors, barristers, government regulators and corporate solicitors who,
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as you could tell, are the funniest people of the world.
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With those jobs, we are teld the lawyers turn comedians
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in this lineup of one and been nominated for numerous
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prestigious festival awards, appeared on TV, and have sold out
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festival shows nationally and internationally. That's right, it's America's Funniest Lawyers.
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Oh wait, Comedy Survivor forgot to tell you. It looks
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like Sebastian Maniscalco is in massive, massive trouble. As I've
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been skiving the Facebook group, looks like he's going to go.
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So if you're like, well, I want to save a
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Sebastian Maniscalco, I would get about twelve of your friends