March 31, 2026

Rob Schneider wants a Mandatory Draft, Howie Mandel Apologizes to Kelly Ripa

Show Notes
Transcript

Rob Schneider is urging a restored U.S. military draft with two years of service for 18-year-olds, prompting a Michael Imperioli joke. NYC Mayor Zoran Mamdani and Curtis Sliwa went viral for an Inner Circle Dinner comedy sketch about cat adoptions and political dynasties. Howie Mandel posted an apology to Kelly Ripa after joking about “looking great for 70” and then quipping he “does look great for my age.” Russell Brand’s trial on seven rape and sexual assault charges was delayed to October 12 and is expected to last two months. Josh Johnson will host the 30th Webby Awards May 11. Adam Sandler is set to remake the 2001 French drama “Timeout.” Other items include Megan Gailey on 800 Pound Gorilla, Jeff Dunham’s car series and collection, a Melbourne comedy true-crime tour by Matt Bell, Russell Peters’ $2.1M tax reassessments, and Gabriel Iglesias discussing Ozempic and a declined $1M endorsement.

00:15 Rob Schneider Draft Rant
01:14 Host Pushback and Fact Check
01:53 NYC Mayor Comedy Sketch
02:34 Howie Mandel Apology Saga
04:10 Russell Brand Trial Delayed
04:27 Webby Awards Host Announced
04:46 Adam Sandler Drama Remake
05:39 Jeff Dunham Car Series
06:38 Melbourne True Crime Comedy Tour
08:17 Gabe Iglesias on Ozempic

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This is the animal sanctuary mentioned in the February 10 episode.

WEBVTT

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Callaroga Shark Media. Hi there, I'm Johnny Mack with your

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daily comedy news, a daily briefing on stand up comedy

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comedians on the comedy industry. Rob Schneider went on Twitter

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he declared the United States must restore the military draft

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for our nation's young people. Schneider said, each and every

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American at eighteen years of age must serve two years

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of military service. They could also choose to serve part

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of that time overseas or in a country in a

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volunteer capacity. Being a citizen of the United States gives

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us unparalleled freedoms and opportunities that are the envy of

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the world. However, these freedoms that we cherish do not

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come without a cost, Schneider continued. By protecting and preserving

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these freedoms, young people, regardless of race, creed, and religion,

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will be united in service to their country and just

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as importantly, to each other. Many nations around the world

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require their young citizens to serve their country, until recently

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our nation did as well. Schneider, who has never served

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to the military, said by reinstating the draft, young Americans

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would be quote put into a rigorous physical training course

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that they could use for the rest of their lives.

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He also claimed that unlike in today's universities, the military

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would teach them how truly great their country is. I'll

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jump in there, I teach you to universities. I will

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swear in a Bible. No one has ever come to

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me and told me what to say or not, not once,

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not at all. If there's a conspiracy, I haven't run

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into it yet. Rob Schneider said to the young people

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of America, this is your country. In your future. We

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will leave this great free nation in your good hands

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for your children and your children's children. God bless the

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United States of America. Schneider had referred to the draft

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as until recently. The last military draft in the United

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States was December seventh, nineteen seventy two. Actor Michael Imperioli

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shared on Instagram, I've got a better idea. Let's just

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send Rob to Iran a performance comedy. He will surrender

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immediately and unconditionally. We'll stay somewhat political for a moment.

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New York City Mayor Zoorn Mamdani joined former Republican rival

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Curtis Lay for a comedy sketch. If you're from the

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New York area, you know who Curtis Sliwa is for

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everybody else, He's that Guardian Angels guy that wears the

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red beret. You know who I'm talking about now. Mam

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Donnie and Sliwa participated in the sketch at the New

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York City Inner Circle dinner over the weekend. The sketch,

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apparently about cat adoptions, has gone viral. The viral clips

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shows Curtis Sliwa joking about destroying sinister old political dynasties.

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Mam Donnie jokes about being a content creator who does

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a little governing on the side. Not an inaccurate description.

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Curtis Sliwa told The New York Post he thought the

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sketch was great because it was promoting rescuing animals. Apparently

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Kelly Rippa is much more powerful than I realize. Howie

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Mandel has apologized to Kelly Rippa, told you over the

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weekend that she was reportedly upset with him. How he apologized,

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which I just find super curious. I went to pull

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the audio, but he's speaking very slowly. It would take

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about two minutes to get to the point. So I'll

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just tell you now. Last week, Mark Consuellos on the

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Live with Kelly and Mark's show remarked that how Mandel

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looks great for seventy Kelly Rippa said that that age

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doesn't make any sense. How he asked, what do you

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mean it doesn't make any sense? Marcuzwello said you look great.

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How he cut them off and said, I look great.

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That doesn't mean anything to me. No, no, no, I

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don't like that because that's a caveat. Kelly said, we're

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not saying you look great for seventy. You look great.

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Kenswello said, yeah, you look good for a person your age,

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and how he fired back, it's like saying you're smart

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for a stupid person. Well how he has now apologized.

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He posted a video on Instagram. He's on the beach.

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He's speaking very slowly. Like I said, I pulled it,

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but it's just it's going to take too long. How

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he says, I've been debating for forty eight hours whether

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I should make this post or not. I don't know

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if I'm doing the right thing philosophically. I don't believe

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that somebody who's a comedian needs to apologize for a joke.

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It's a joke. It's meant as a joke. It's not

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meant to offend. He continued and said this is for

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Kelly Rippa, who in the past has been incredibly supportive.

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Not only have i been a guest on her show,

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but I've co hosted with her, and I've known her

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for years. When I go out there, I just try

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to be entertaining and funny, and sometimes as a comedian,

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things don't land the way you mean them to land.

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And I don't know how to say this, but not

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only do I want to say I'm sorry to Kelly,

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but and this is the hardest part. You're right, You're

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absolutely right. I'm sorry I didn't see that way. After

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a lot of thought and self reflection, I do look

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great for my age, I really do. I look fantastic.

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Russell Brand's trial on rape and sexual assault charges has

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been delayed until October. Was supposed to begin starting June sixteenth.

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Sky News reports the trial, which will combine all seven

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charges brought against Russell Brand in the last year, will

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now begin on October twelfth. It's expected to last two months.

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Josh Johnson will host the thirtieth annual Webby Awards. Those

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will be Monday, May eleventh at Cipriani Wall Street in

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New York City. Fancy Josh Johnson said, I'm really honored

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to be hosting this year's Webbys. The Internet in social

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media we have can be pretty devastating sometimes, so to

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come together and celebrate more of the Internet we want

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is a dream. Deadline says the next movie by the

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great dramatic actor Adam Sandler will be a remake of

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the two thousand and one French movie Time Out. The

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two thousand and one version tells the story of a

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man laid off from his job who pretends to go

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to work every day to avoid telling his family one happened.

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When Vincent is fired from his job, he can't bring

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himself to tell his wife and family. Rather than reveal

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the truth, he spins a web of lies to conceal

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a situation. He escalates his lies further when he creates

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an investment scheme and asks friends to contribute. His deception

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threatens to overwhelm his life and family. I still can't

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tell if this is serious or a comedy, so I'm

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looking up to see what the French version was. Wikipedia

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describes the two thousand and one film as a drama,

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in which case I highly support this film. We have

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to get Sailor the Oscar for Best Actor. Otherwise he's

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going to continue to make crappy comedies. Out today on

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the eight hundred Pound Guerrilla YouTube channel, Megan Gaily is

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Live from My Driveway. Jeff Dunham is going to host

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the series The Cars That Drove Us. The series, mostly

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recorded in twenty twenty five, features people like The Worst

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Person Who Ever Lived, Jay Leno and action star Arnold Schwarzenegger.

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Each episode features a different machine, including American car classics

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like the Corvette, the Firebird, and the Hummer, as well

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as interesting one offs like the DeLorean. Focused on crazy ideas,

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big successes, and magnificent failures, The Cars that Drove Us

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highlight wheels that were each important in their time. Jeff

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Dunham says, I love cars that were magnificent failures. There

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were somebody's dreams and ideas and artwork and technological savvy

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and they put together these amazing machines and then for

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whatever reason, they don't go. But somebody put their heart

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and soul in these things. Jeff Dunham says he's a collector,

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not a mechanic. However, while attending college, he built in

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flu experimental helicopters. Hmm. Jeff now has a collection that

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includes roughly one hundred and thirty vehicles. He says, the

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first exotic car bought was a nineteen ninety four Viper.

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That car started my interest in all this and I

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built a huge collection of cars from there. Some shows

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going on in Melbourne Matt Bell's The X Files e

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x Files, a comedy true crime tour. Melbourne has a

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dark secret. A crime has been committed and comedian Matt

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Bell knows where the bodies are buried. Join Matt Bell

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as he unravels one of the city's most shocking true

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asterisk crimes, a tale of desire obsession at gay dating

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gone horribly wrong. How does he know all this? The

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killer left one loose end hmm. The folks at my

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Melbourne Arts went to see the show, and they tell us.

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With each audience member armed with a pair of Bluetooth headphones,

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Bell guides us through a series of locations tied to

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the relationship at the center of the story. We move

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from the bar where the first date occurred, to a

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cinema shaped by a wicked lie, to a restaurant that

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ends a heartbreak on the most romantic night of the year.

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Sounds like fun. Sounds like Russell Peters has a little

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tax issue. People reports that Russell was hit with reassessments

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totally more than a two point one million dollars plus

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interest for his twenty twelve, twenty thirteen, and twenty fourteen

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tax years. Apparently, California's Franchise Tax Board concluded that Russell

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was actually a resident of California rather than a resident

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of Nevada. Russell is blaming his Toronto area chartered professional

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accountants for the tax woes. The claim reads, at all

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material times, the defendants, who I guess are the Canadian

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tax guys, had complete access to the financial, accounting and

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personal records necessary to determine mister Peters's US residency without

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limitation his California property ownership, travel patterns, vehicle leases, and

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time spent at California from which his true residency status

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would have been readily ascertainable by competent accounting and tax professionals.

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This gets very complicated, very quickly, and I won't let

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the lawyers determine what's what. Gab Iglesias was on Club

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chashe he talked about using a Zepich. He said, I

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started losing weight, but the problem with the zepic is

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you're going to lose more muscles than fat. He said

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he lost the muscles around his shoulders, which he dislikes.

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He also said he was approached with a freaking incredible

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deal of a one million dollar offer to act as

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the official face of a zempic. He said hisempic reach

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out to me many years ago. Even though it was

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a million dollar deal. I couldn't do it. He said

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it would have caused scheduling conflicts with his tour. Who knows,

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maybe he was on his way to riodd and I

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don't have his calendar. That is your comedy news for today,

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See tomorrow.