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Hello, I'm Johnny Mac with your daily comedy news. We'll
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leave Sebastian behind us for now. I talked about it
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in a bonus episode Thursday afternoon in case you missed that.
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Big one this weekend, Shane Gillis is your host of
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Saturday Night Live. They've kind of stopped doing the funny
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sketch trailers they used to do. Now the host and
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the musical actress kind of come out and go like, hi,
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I'm Shane Gillis. I'm hosting Saturday Night Live this weekend. So...
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Really nothing to play for you there. Big news on
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Thursday afternoon. Joe Rogan has renewed his deal with Spotify.
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The Wall Street Journal says the deal is $ 250 million.
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In a statement, Joe Rogan said the partnership with Spotify
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has been an amazing fit and they're incredible to work with.
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I'm extremely happy and excited to continue with them for
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years to come. The podcast has 18 million followers on Spotify,
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making it the most followed podcast on the platform and
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approximately 18 million more followers than I have. It has
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been the most listened to podcast in the U.S. since 2019.
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Here's a headline for you from TMZ. Kevin Hart's sex
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tape partner may be dragged into his court battle. I mean,
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right off the headline there, you got to pay attention.
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TMZ writes, the woman in the infamous sex tape with
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Kevin Hart could be dragged into one of the comedian's
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ongoing court battles. TMZ has learned. According to court docs
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obtained by TMZ, Kevin Hart's former assistant was once involved
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in the sex tape controversy in 2017 to testify as
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a witness in her case against Kevin Hart. That person
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had sued Kevin for $ 60 million in 2019, making some claims.
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Kevin denied the claims. The case was eventually dismissed. Tom
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Hanks' son Chet Hanks confronted comedian Eric Andre for quote-unquote
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trashing him. Security got involved. This also from TMZ. They
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had a video. Chet Hanks, the 36-year-old son of Tom Hanks,
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was seen approaching Eric Andre from behind at the Los
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Angeles Complex Con. All right. We were told Eric Andre
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initially looked pleased to see Chet Hanks and held out
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his hand and said, what's up? But Chet Hanks did
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not return the handshake. TMZ says he kept his hand
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on Andre's shoulder as he spoke, leading Eric Andre to ask,
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What'd I say? TMZ says both men removed their glasses
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as the back and forth took a heated turn. They
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began screaming at each other, and then Eric Andre's security
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intervened and swept him away. Eric Andre has security? Why? Really?
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Or is this just like convention security? Why would Eric
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Andre have security? TMZ further reports that Chet Hanks detailed
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the interaction on Instagram, writing, finally ran into Eric effing
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Andre and mocked the actor for traveling with four security guards, quote,
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because the environment makes him uneasy. Four guards? Hmm. I'm
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a neutral here, but specific to security, I'm just curious
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about four security guards for Eric Andre? Wear a baseball
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cap and glasses like everybody else, dude. Chet Hanks went
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on to reference his 2023 appearance on Eric Andre's show,
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which apparently has started this feud. Chet wrote, he had, caps,
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no memory whatsoever of trashing me to the media after
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I outshined him on his show. After being sheltered by
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his security team, he began foaming at the mouth and
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admitted it was because he had a problem with me
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mocking Caribbean culture when I did my Jamaican accent all
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those years ago. Chet continued, who knew that in addition
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to the brain rot and poop joke humor he's known for,
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Eric is also such a passionate cultural activist running into Eric... One, two, three, four,
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five exclamation points. Eric Andre's rep did not respond for comment. Now,
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apparently in 2023, Rolling Stone asked Eric Andre about this.
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Eric's quote in 2023 apparently is, he broke us down.
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He stole a motorcycle and rode it around. He almost
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knocked a bunch of grips and gaffers off their ladders.
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Chet wrote back on social media with a video of
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said incident, writing he wanted to match Eric Andre's, quote,
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weird outlandish troll energy. He recalled at the time, at
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one point he has a dude come up and jump
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a dirt bike on the stage he must not have known.
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I ride dirt bikes because I picked that stuff up
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and started riding it around the set. Everybody's like, no, no,
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don't do that. You could get hurt. I'm like, chill.
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I just popped a little wheelie. This is fascinating. Chet
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remembered I put the bike down. Now he wants to
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come out and talk crap about me. You mustn't like
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the fact that I outshined you on your own bleeping show.
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After Tom Hanks' son Chet Hanks blasted him as a weirdo,
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Rick Andre jumped down on Instagram and wrote, Guys, everything
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Chet said about me is an effing boldface lie, effing liar,
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and I dare him to take an effing DNA test
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to prove that Tom Hanks is his effing father. Wow,
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that's fun. Bert Kreischer says there should be no rules
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on his upcoming comedy cruise, the money quote, We Make
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Pirates Look Soft. If you would like to cruise with
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Bert Kreischer, you can go from Miami to Cozumel beginning
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on November 19th. Bert Kreischer, who's 53 now, was asked,
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what is more dangerous to give him a microphone, a
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Netflix budget, or a cruise ship? Bert Kreischer said, oh,
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cruise ship without a doubt. We make pirates look soft.
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We drank out of vodka the first night we left
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last time, the first night. They had to send a
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chase boat to an island to come back with vodka
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to meet us up in the morning because we still
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had a full day of sailing. The 53-year-old man said,
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the unpredictable is the thing I look forward to the most.
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That's the fun of these cruises, is that there should
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be no rules. The beauty of that cruise is there's
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no predictability about what's going to happen. Bert heard that
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some people made some babies on the first cruise, and
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he says, now, anyone that got pregnant on the first cruise,
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I started college funds for their kids, and I'll do
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it again. If you get pregnant on that cruise, I'll
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start a college fund for that kid. It's a light lift.
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It's $ 1, 000. I put it into an IRA. It earns
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its money. The kid's got college tuition when he's 18.
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I would have to check the math on that. That's it?
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I put $ 1, 000 in the bank, and 18 years later,
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I could pay for college? What college? You know what?
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I'm fact-checking that. Well, Bert Kreischer, I asked ChatGPT, is
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this math right? And then threw Bert Kreischer's quote into it.
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ChatGPT says, if they meet a one-time $ 1, 000 investment at birth,
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that's a big overstatement. After 18 years, assuming annual compound growth,
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and the AI did some math, if you got a
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5% return... At age 18, Bert Kreischer's $ 1, 000 would be $ 2, 407
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for what college you want to go to with your $ 2, 400.
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At 7%, you'd have $ 3, 380. And at 10%, you'd have $ 5, 560
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to go to your college of choice. Thanks to Bert Kreischer,
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you have almost $ 6, 000 in tuition, maybe if the market
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rocks for 18 years. But hey, it was a good
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quote to give to the article people. The 53-year-old man said,
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I never in a million years, even the day I
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opened that Rolling Stone article on April 1st, 1997, which
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was the 20th century, over a quarter century ago when
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Burt Krasher was partying. The 53-year-old man said, I never
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in a million years thought that this would be my life.
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If he had advice for his younger self, he said,
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if I could sit next to him and be like, yo,
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this all works out. And then he'd be like, wait,
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what do I have to change? And I'd say nothing.
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Lean into it. Don't quit drinking. As a matter of fact,
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you're going to own a vodka company. You're going to
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have a cruise. You're going to write a book. You're
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going to be an actor. You're going to be a comedian.
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You're going to have a podcast. You're going to own
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a 5K. There's no part of that kid's journey that
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should get me here. Fully loaded at sea, November 19th
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through the 23rd. Sounds like a party. Hey, I got
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something for you to try out. You know how, like, everybody,
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even me, has a podcast, and some people have podcast
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ideas for something they don't actually make? This is for them.
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The company that makes this podcast has made a thing
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called Linit. Linit is a podcast studio that lives in
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your browser. You write the podcast, you can voice it,
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you can add music and video, edit, publish, all in
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one place. It can even build you a first draft
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of an episode while you go make a sandwich. It's
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in beta right now, and we want you to try
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it out until November. Things might break. Please log into
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it and break it. Make a podcast. See what happens.
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Shoot me a nasty note and be like, you promoted
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this Linnet thing and it's not working. We want you
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to test it. That's the idea. That's what a beta
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test is. Go to linnetmedia.com. That's L-I-N-N-E-T media.com. Linnetmedia.com. L-I-N-N-E-T media.com.
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Try it out. Make a podcast. You know you want to.
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And it is Friday, and once again, time for the
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Comedy Stock Market. Comedy Stock Market. We'll be right back.
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We should probably buy stock in Joe Rogan. He decided
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a $ 250 million deal. See what I'm doing here? Okay,
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so here are the recommendations. We're going to buy stock
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in the Norm MacDonald estate. Next week is the new
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Netflix documentary. And on this feed tomorrow is the deep dive,
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weekly deep dive. I'm doing Norm MacDonald tomorrow to get
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in front of that documentary on Netflix that I think
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is going to do really well. I say that because
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even my college students know who Norm MacDonald is. Even
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Sebastian Maniscalco still plays Norm Macdonald's comedy. That's how powerful
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and great Norm Macdonald was, that even Sebastian is still
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playing him. You know what I'm saying? So we're going
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to buy some Norm Macdonald. We're going to buy some
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Liz Mealy for getting this whole thing started, starting the
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little kerfluffle there, drawing attention to what's happening there at
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my ex-girlfriend's place. I'm not going there today. We're not
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talking about that. But good job, Liz Mealy. And for
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this same reason, we are selling our stock in Sebastian Maniscalco.
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I don't think he's doing anything nefarious. I doubt he
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even knew what was going on till it hit his
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radar in a hit the fan kind of way. However,
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the casual. the people that aren't recording podcasts in their
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basement the people that aren't reading the trays or vulture
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or websites or on threads all day those people are
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going to be like sebastian maniscalco isn't he the guy
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that got rid of all those comedians and sebastian you
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put your name on the thing And that's what happened.
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The buck stops with you. So we will buy Joe Rogan,
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buy Norm MacDonald, buy Liz Mealy, and we will sell
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Sebastian Maniscalco. That is the comedy stock market on this Friday.
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And let me leave you with this one. This has
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been cracking me up. Whatever you think of Mayor Mamdani,
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this is the level of crime that we're dealing with
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in New York City. I'm this old. And I grew
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up in the horrible 1970s in New York City where
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I was terrified as a kid to go on the
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subway and the subway cars were covered with graffiti and
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we had the subway vigilante and then we had guardian
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angels protect us from the other bad guys. Now here
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in 2026, we are worried about sidewalk chalk. And there
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is comedy involved with this. From the New York Post,
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a petty turf war has stirred up a quiet Queens
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neighborhood where a comedy club owner has been on a
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crusade to get rid of the creep who's been dousing
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her sidewalk chalk designs with bleach. Hannah has been using
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public sidewalk outside her QED Astoria spot since the beginning
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of the summer to draw colorful advertisements for the club's
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charity events, including Children's Story Time and comedy shows and
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almost immediately the quote-unquote king of Clorox showed up and
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dumped a bottle of bleach across the pavement until the
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chalk drawings dissolved apparently the king of Clorox does not
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like her little colorful drawings but they're advertisements on a
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public sidewalk it's a public sidewalk you can draw I
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can spill my water welcome to New York City I
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don't know what town you think this is you're lucky
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leave it alone John okay and it sold the New
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York Post and I thought maybe it was a disgruntled
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teenager or something, but no, turns out he's a fully
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grown man. However, the cops can't do anything about it
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because it's legal behavior. Website QNS, as in Queens, said
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as soon as there was a drawing, a man swung
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by 23rd Avenue to wipe away the art after gorging
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on a bagel from the nearby bagel shop. This is fantastic.
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They have the bagel muncher Bleach King caught on video.
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This is Queens, New York City, where I grew up,
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and boy... 30 years ago, we had a different kind
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of crime. Did you know Miami Vice went to Jackson Heights,
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where I grew up? Miami Vice. You know why Crockett
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and Tubbs went to Miami Vice? For the cocaine. You
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could have drawn on the street all you wanted and
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bleached it out. We were worried about the coke dealers,
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and now we're worried about this nonsense? Come on. And
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according to this report, a detective suggested she stopped doing
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the chalk. I love this guy. And that is your
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comedy news for today. Tomorrow, deep dive on Norm MacDonald. Sunday,
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a normal episode. Monday, normal episode. Thank you for following.
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It was a crazy week around here, and I'll catch
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you in the morning.