The jokes Nikki Glaser cut from the Roast of Tom Brady PLUS did Katt Williams duck Kevin Hart?

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Callaroga Shark Media. Hello, I'm
Johnny Mack with your daily comedy whose late

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night had some fun with Stormy Daniels
testifying the Donald Trump trial. We're covering

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that over on the Ballot podcast.
Stephen Colbert said it was a historic day

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because Stormy Daniels did what she does
best, and that's spank Donald Trump.

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Jordan Klepper hosting The Daily Show,
come on, Jake Tapper and Dana Bash

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acting like you're too good for this, Like you've never seen Genitalia before.

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You're very prudish for people whose names
sound like porn names. Seth Myers.

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Stormy Daniels testified that she spanked Trump
with a rolled up magazine that had his

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face on the cover. And I
think it's weird that the hotel even had

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a copy of Bankruptcy aficionado Stephen Colbert. Trump explained that he and Milania have

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separate bedrooms. Yes, we're having
trouble falling asleep in the same bed because

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she snores and I bang porn stars. Seth Myers Stormy Daniels setting a phone

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call after the section. When Cannon
with Trump in two thousand and six,

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he would always call her honey.
Bunch, honey bunch, and you guys

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think Biden is too old. New
topic of Chinese zoo had some dogs that

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they painted, were passing them off
as pandas Colbert said, well, there's

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a simple explanation. The dogs are
in a Christi Nome protection program. That

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is great, all right, we
got some beefs going on. This first

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one from Atlanta Blackstar. I've read
this a couple times and I'm trying to

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make sense of it. Honestly,
it's not the best written oracle I've ever

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read. I've read it three times
and I'm like, all right, let

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me get to the gist here.
I will try here. The point being

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people accusing Kat Williams of ducking out
of a party when Kevin Hart showed up.

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But let's see if we could figure
out the details from this article.

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The event was the weekend brunch at
the Netflix is a Joke Festival. By

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the way, that is not an
easy thing to say, Netflix is a

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joke festival. We got to rename
this thing, Robbie pro I mean I

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stumbled over that four times. Nathi
ed at this time, apparently at the

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brunch, Dave Chappelle, Tiffany Hattish
Kevin Hart, Marshall, Warfield, Mike

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Appsolute Rel Dion Cole, they took
a picture. Hattish told the Breakfast Club

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that the brunch started around noon and
that she saw Kat Williams. She said,

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we was outside, okay, so
we wasn't in the same room.

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Everybody was there and Kat was there, and he was looking very interesting,

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very shiny, and it was super
cool. We Apparently Kat was dressed differently

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than me. He's wearing a hoodie
in a baseball cap. He was talking

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to everybody, moving around the room
and stuff. As soon as Kevin got

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there, nobody could find Kat.
I don't know where Kat went, but

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he did perform live. She claims
they took a group picture with all the

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comedians. Kat's not in that photo
because Kat left right as Kevin pulled up.

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Meanwhile, Monique, who opened for
Kat, took some shots at Oprah

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Winfrey. I will have to quite
paraphrase here, Monique said, F you

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Oprah Winfrey, F you Tyler Perry. She then questioned the nature of Winfrey's

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friendship with Gail King, suggesting perhaps
there's more too there friendship, and said,

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I'm too mfing old to be scared
of this Bee I'm too old to

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be intimidated by this bee. I'm
too old to the mfing truth. Cat

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Williams did better in the ratings than
the roast of Tom Brady. Kind of

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surprising, No, I find that
very surprising. So is this bad for

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Cat? Because there were super hype
on Cat. You know, I was

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stressing, should I blow off Deacon
Mike and not go to Cleveland and stay

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home in Kat Williams. That would
have been a mistake. Deac and Meg

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had an awesome party and Kat Williams
Special was all right. Everybody was waiting

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for Kat Williams take shots, and
he didn't really take shots at anybody anyway.

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Cat Williams won the ratings war.
Streaming ratings are a little wonky,

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but we have learned that Cat Williams
earned four million views, a metric determined

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by total viewing time divided by running
time. That's double what Tom Brady got

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for two million. But this is
where it gets walky. The roast had

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more total viewing time at six point
two million hours to just four point one

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million hours for Cat Special. But
Brady's thing is three times as long,

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right, so I watched for three
hours, So they get credit. For

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three out of me, whereas I
also watched cat for one, so they

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get one out of me. Makes
sense? It barely makes sense, right,

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Yeah. John mulaney presents Everybody's In
La also made the Netflix Top ten.

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They did not break out the viewers
on that one, so who knows,

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Baby Raindier remains number one. That's
really fantastic if you haven't seen that.

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Jerry Seinfeld's pop tarts movie Unfrosted topped
the list with seven point one million

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views for its opening weekend. Kuwaiti
Romcom Honeymoonish number one fourteen million views.

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Really okay? Netflix has made an
edit to the roast of Tom Brady.

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What did they take out? No, not the Robert Kraft joke. They

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took out the booze of Kim Kardashian. That's lame. We all know what

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happened. Leave it in. Nikki
Glazer, having quite the moment, she

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went on The Howard Stern Show,
apparently thinking it's nineteen eighty eight, and

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told Howard Stern that she had cut
some jokes out of the roast. One

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of the cut jokes, Tom,
I love your work that you've done on

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your face. Seriously, slow down, what is happening with your cheeks.

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You look like a ken doll that
was microwaved. You love deflating things,

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so stop. Did I imagine that
that joke happened? What that joke happened?

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I'm going crazy. I just took
a pause and skimmed, Nicki set

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and I didn't find that joke.
Somebody did that joke. I'm not crazy.

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Help me out in the Facebook group. Somebody did that joke, Nicki

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said. She also cut a joke
about CTE. The joke read, it's

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really cool. All the proceeds are
going to CTE research in the NFL's coordinated

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effort to cover it up. She
did make an NFL cover up joke.

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I just played it back during the
pause there. People don't know, but

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it costs millions to murder those doctors
that know the truth. These guys really

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effing damage their bodies and brains all
for the sake of men hugging each other

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in a Buffalo wild wings. Nicki
is on the Last Laugh podcast that was

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recorded before the roast, and she
told the Last Laugh, I'm educating myself

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about football. I just learned about
football from Taylor Swift. Now I'm doing

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all this research on Tom Brady,
and I'm learning to love it and learning

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to really respect him. So I
have a great angle I fear, but

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it's terrifying. I haven't done a
ros since pre COVID. I thought it

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was behind me. I thought,
if they ever come asking again, I'm

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gonna say no, because the last
time I did one, I was thirty

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four and if you called me old, it didn't really work. But now

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I'm thirty nine and this is old. They can make those jokes now or

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make fun of my looks, and
it's not like I've gotten any more secure

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in my looks. It's painful to
do a roast, so I'm kind of

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worried about that. But I'm in
the state of mind now ahead of it,

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where I'm just focused on writing and
I'm not even thinking about the jokes

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that could have been written about me. And that's always rough when you sit

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there and hear about how ugly I
am or how unfunny I am. The

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last laugh said, well, you're
definitely more famous now than you were at

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last rose, maybe you won't get
those jokes. NICKI said, yeah,

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that was don't bother me because I'm
pretty aware of my level. I don't

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care if people say I'm not famous. I don't really care about being famous.

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I mean, yes, of course
I care because it means more money,

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which means more security, which means
I won't die any apocalypse, which

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is my biggest fear. But I
don't care. Please come at me for

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all that, I'd love it.
She talked about limits put on it and

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quoting Niki here, Dude, they
kind of said, don't go after the

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kids, and I was like,
why would I go after as kids?

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You really have a license say anything, because if they're there and they sign

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up for it, you can go
after them now. Jokes about Gazelle.

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I don't want to frame Gazelle in
a poor light. I don't ever want

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to frame his kids out on the
days they haven't sign up for it,

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But anyone else I will not pull
punches, but I will say I have

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a lot more heart going to this
one than I have in the past.

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I don't want to be mean like
that. It has to be really good

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to be mean. Jim Gaffigan,
Jenny Slaate, and Tig Nazaro talked parenthood

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and the best and worst things about
being a comedian today. Boy, doesn't

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that sound exciting? Don't you wish
you were at the Prime Experience in Los

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Angeles. Nice move there, Prime
Experience in Los Angeles, having your own

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comedy event in the middle of the
Netflix Festival in Los Angeles. I see

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what you're doing there, Jim,
you've clearly chosen sides. Okay, Robbie

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pro is gonna remember that. Jenny
Slat says, there's much to love about

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working as a stand up comic today. We have the opportunity to be really

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thoughtful about saying something deeply important about
our own personal development, about the world

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at large, about current events,
about censorship and art, and about what

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the current vernacular in art is.
Jenny says, cancel culture is frightening.

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It's scary to be a personal with
the microphone, but it's also great privilege

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of your performer, and you feel
that you're talented. If you pair that

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talent with thoughtfulness, I think it's
a great opportunity to feel fully expressed.

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Tick Natara was asked about the best
and worst of being a modern day stand

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up and Tick said, there's so
much going on and so much opportunity.

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Could feel a little oversaturated, but
I don't know. I don't have any

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complaints I started doing stand up solely
because I'm obsessed with it, and so

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from open mic days to now,
it's really neat to get on stage and

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want to just share these stories and
experiences. Amazon. I'm gonna remind you

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guys cross Town. John Maliney sitting
there with Jerry Seinfeld. He's not talking

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to Jerry Seinfeld, but he's sitting
there with him. What is this event?

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Why did you do this event?
This is a bad look. Jim

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Gaffigan joked he started in comedy when
there were wooden microphones. Yuck, yuck.

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Jim said he tends not to call
his kids out by naming his act

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for the sake of their privacy,
but he observed at the same time,

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kids would rather hear you talk about
them and stand up than if you posted

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a picture of them. If you
post a picture, that's crossing a line,

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but if you make a reference to
them being misanthropic, they're like,

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yeah, that's great. When asked
what's next for him, Jim Gaffigan joked,

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I'm gonna be Donald Trump's running mates. Can I tell you I have

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been talking about how there's so much
going on last week and this week that

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I could pre tape all of next
week. Take a week off. I'm

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not kidding. The raw version of
today's podcast was twenty minutes. It gets

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shorter after clean up all the stumbles
and stuff, but it's twenty minutes and

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I hit save and I'm like,
oh, you forgot to do the festivals.

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And that's after I bumped three stories. There's just so much anyway.

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Festivals Tonight, Cryptocamerina seven thirty Andrew
Scheldtz Sing Gillison special guests. You gotta

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do that right eight o'clock, Tom
Sigora come together. This is reminding me.

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I forgot to look up what happened
at their five k. Apparently the

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big news at the Two Bears five
k from the other day is that jelly

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Roll finished it. He spoke to
Entertainment tonight. He said, I couldn't

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walk a mile when I started trying
to do this back in January. So

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the fact that we got three point
whatever it was, it's three point one.

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Jelly Roll got it down. I
felt really good about it. Yeah,

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I understand, man. When I
first started running, I couldn't do

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a five k, and I've now
run two marathons. Oh, here's a

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funny picture of Grasier with his shirt
off in a metal This looks pretty funny.

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Oh and I digressed more as I
threw Burke Kreischer into Google to see

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if I could find something about the
five K. But I see this headline.

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Burt Krascher and Tom Szagre react to
Gazelle bunch In being upset over the

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Tom Brady roast jokes. A source
told Entertainment Tonight, Jazelle was upset and

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hurt by some of the jokes about
her, her relationships with her boyfriend and

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her marriage to Tom. Her main
concern has always her children and her family,

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and she wants to protect them.
She found some of the jokes to

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be distasteful and disrespectful. Sigura said, oh, that's awesome. That means

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everyone did their chop. Krayser jokingly
said he had heard from Bunchin's camp and

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said, I don't speak Portuguese.
I don't care what you say. That's

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funny. Grayscher said, to be
fair, Giselle got half that check anyway.

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Netflix Comedy Festival. You see why
these podcasts, I'm telling you,

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Pumping Story is left and right,
all right? Cheltz and Shane at seven

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thirty Sigora at eight, Country Wayne
at seven, Ali Wang again taping another

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show, this one I think was
planned. I'm wondering if they're having trouble

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getting a special Shang Wang nine forty
five, Love Him, Somebody Feed Phil

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at seven, Nick Offerman at Friends
at seven, Jared Freed at seven.

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Dean Cook is out there. I
didn't know that. Dane Cook at seven.

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Jessica Curson has sold out at seven, and I've seen very few sold

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outs on this grid. Curson again
at nine forty five, Spinal tap the

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original fortieth anniversary screening at four.
Felippia Sparzo sold that at nine forty five,

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Jeff Ross at seven, Josh Wolf
at seven. He's really good,

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but you're up against that show at
the Crypto Arena, Eric Griffin and Friends,

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and like the other days, as
if I scroll down four enough,

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it gets uninteresting. All right,
if you and I were there, We're

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going to Crypto Arena. We're seeing
Schultz Shane and whoever shows up late show

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will do Shang Wang as that sound. We are so long today, I'm

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not gonna hunt for clips at Sydney, but I'll just tell you about a

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00:11:39.799 --> 00:11:43.679
show that we haven't talked about yet
have we've done Connor Burns from Scotland.

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This shows called Verdigo, a punchline
pack sixty minutes featuring submarines, relationships and

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00:11:48.720 --> 00:11:54.840
the inevitable family drama. The Scotsman
gave it five stars, saying he's a

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00:11:54.840 --> 00:11:58.600
great comedy tale. He's fearless and
wonderful, hilarious. Of the list four

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00:11:58.639 --> 00:12:03.080
stars, but perhaps at four brilliant. GAG's coming you at a terrifying rate.

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She your fearlessness, he'll go far. We've got plenty left in this

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festival. There's just been so much
gone with Netflix domining, so a lot

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more sitting next week? All right, Tonight on John Mullany's Late Night Thing,

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the guest David Letterman, Bill Hayter, Cedric the Entertainer, and music

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performance by Los Lobos. Okay,
John MLINI write this down because I watched

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the Monday night show. You were
not taking my notes. Stop taking phone

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calls. The phone calls are terrible. Get rid of the robot. The

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robot's not working. Here's what you
do. My first guest tonight is David

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Letterman. And then stop talking and
let David Letterman be funny. Then when

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Bill Hayter comes out, go hey, Bill Hayter, how are you doing?

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And then stop talking, same notes
Cedric and then lost Lobos. Don't

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take a phone call in the middle
of Los Lobos. I did enjoy Monday

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Night, Mulaney. They're not taking
my notes, says the guy in the

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basement of the guy dating Olivia Munn. LA Magazine ads folks out at the

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Netflix Festival. They were at Bill
Burr on they write as for Burr.

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After openers Nate Craig and Dean del
Ray, he took the stage to spew

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his well honed stick about the sad
state of the world. He was his

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usual curmudgeonly self, riffing on family
life, white privilege, and male depression.

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His takes on middle aged dues at
Guitar Center was spot on. We

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had a surprise guest, John Lovettz, trading barbs back and forth NonStop.

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These two old pros improvised put downs
with love that were just the ticket,

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not the best. Review Patton Oswald
at the United Theaterre on May fifth.

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LA mag says fans rain praise on
opening acts Orlando Lava, who clowned that

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he lost America's got talent to shadow
puppets and Benny Feldman, who noted that

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his turette syndrome was like the abstract
art of disabilities, joking that audience to

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say I could do that. Patton
referred to himself as the cartoon rat guy

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and joke he'd rather beat the roast
of Tom Brady happening at the same time

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across town. Patton lit up the
room with stories about cat demons, the

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Planter's Nutmobile, and an ill fated
trip to Hobby Lobby, then joked that

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he should have opened the show Rising
from dry ice smoke like zz Tap.

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Gab Iglesias was at the Palladium on
May six. The show apparently was unruly.

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Heckler is in more than a couple
loaded ladies had to be admonished for

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yelling out indiscernible nonsense and interrupting comics
during the show. Elie mag says,

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we won't call out which comics got
dragged or whether they deserved it, but

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let's just say that anyone can have
a bad night, and the female guests

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on the bill experience what we're guessing
is a rite of passage when facing a

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room full of drunk strangers who really
only care about the headliner who that sounds

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like it sucks. Bigger names like
Deon Cole and Matt Rife fared much better

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that We found Rife set and particularly
his sex and trans material not only mean

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spirited but painfully unfunny. I think
we figured out Matt Rife, right,

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We figured it out. Yeah,
the crowd disagreed, and the controversial comic

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got a load of laughs. George
Lopez got a third season for his sitcom

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Lopez Versus Lopez. A comedian Ethan
Levine is trying to earn the Guinness title

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for most ceremonial first pitches thrown.
He's out there this week throwing some first

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pitches. This week he's working the
Chicago area, but not the actual White

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Sox, doing some minor league teams. And Levin told The New York at

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Jewish Week, I was just doom
scrolling one night, and I thought of

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it and checked to see if there
was a record. He figured a small

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town mayor somewhere must have set a
lifetime record for first pitches, but he

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didn't find anything. Guinness was like, I don't know forty. He's hoping

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to throw fifty. He says,
A million cold emails and cold calls later.

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I'm sitting outside of Dunkin Donuts Park, which is home of the Hartford

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Yard Goats. That's your comedy news
for today. If you'd like this ad

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00:15:26.960 --> 00:15:31.759
free, open up the show in
the Apple Podcasts app and click that Calaruga

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00:15:31.799 --> 00:15:35.080
Shark Plus thing there. Four ninety
nine a month, you get this and

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00:15:35.120 --> 00:15:37.879
all the other shows on the network
commercial free. How about that? Huh

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00:15:39.000 --> 00:15:41.679
bargain? You should do it.
Actually, it's doing really well, Like

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00:15:41.720 --> 00:15:46.279
I'm really excited about how well it's
doing. So yeah, four ninety nine

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00:15:46.320 --> 00:15:48.639
a month, and you can test
drive it thirty days free. If you're

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00:15:48.639 --> 00:15:50.120
like, eah, this sucks,
or Johnny Mack doesn't get up early enough.

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I'm up at four to fifteen in
the morning and he hasn't loaded the

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commercial free version. He had to
hate that guy. I understand. I'm

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working on it. I don't control
the back end. I'm talking to people.

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It's a thing. It's not me
being stupid. It's an actual thing.

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I'm working on it. It's ee
any more.