The Pentagon’s Not-So-Straight Talk

0:03 Callaroga shark media from Washington, DC, where nobody in the military is gay. This is ballad. That's right. You don't see the commander in chief dancing to the village people, now, do you. I'm Patrick Gutfield and breaking news from the Pentagon. Apparently the military is on a mission to restore something called the Warrior Ethos, which sounds like a rejected action movie title starring Steven Segall. Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth is mad about Netflix's new gay military series Boots. He's claiming the streaming giant is pushing a woke agenda faster than a drill sergeant can drop and give you twenty. The series, based on a memoir, follows a closeted gay teen joining the Marines with his straight best friend. Heg Seth's big complaint Netflix is apparently serving up what he calls woke garbage, a phrase that sounds like something you'd find in a hipster compost bin. The Pentagon's hot take, they're all about elite uniform and sex neutral standards. Translation, a rucksack doesn't care if you're gay, straight, or confused about which TikTok dance to do next. Trump who isn't gay. He just likes dancing to the village people, says. He wrapped a two hour phone call with Vladimir Putin that probably felt longer than waiting at the DMV. Trump's promising a summit in Budapest within two weeks or so, which in political speak means maybe probably who knows. Longtime watchers of the

1:35 not at all gay president know that any time there isn't a real timetable. He just says two weeks their grand plan to end what Trump dramatically calls the inglorious war between Russia and Ukraine. Meanwhile, Ukrainian President Vladimir Walls is heading to the White House today. I'm guessing his diplomatic small talk will be slightly more complicated than so how about those phone calls. The Trump administration just unveiled a new citizenship test that sounds more like a PhD dissertation defense than a path to American citizenship. Forget six out of ten questions. Now the applicants need to nail twelve out of twenty, because nothing says Welcome to America like making people jump through more hoops than an Olympic gymnast.

2:20 The test bank has expanded from one hundred to one hundred and twenty eight questions. And these aren't your grandpa's softball civics questions. We're talking about questions so complex they'll make a Harvard professor sweat. Remember the old test, where you could basically guess your way to citizenship gone. Now immigration officers will keep firing questions until you pass or fail. It's like a verbal pop quiz from Hell, where you're done only happens after you prove you know more about American history than most high school students. The administration's justification the current test is too easy. Joseph Edlow from US Citizenship and Immigration Services basically called the old testa joke, saying it was so simple you could memorize the answers in your sleep. Current pass rate ninety one percent. Trump's message not on my watch. Picture this the Milwaukee Brewers game where the most dramatic action isn't happening on the field, but in the stands. Shannon kobo Archic tries, saying that five times Fast decided to turn a baseball game into her personal immigration enforcement fantasy. When the Dodgers fan Ricardo Fosado started filming the crowd. Our protagonist went full Karen mode.

3:41 Her battlecry real men drink beer, which sounds like a slogan you defined on a very sad tank top at a county fair. But here's the kicker. Fasado is a US Navy veteran who served two wars. Her brilliant plan to call ice about a US citizen about as strategic as try trying to steal home plate with a beach ball. The consequences were swift manpower group. Her employer, which also is definitely not gay, showed her the door faster than a rookie get sent back to the miners make a wish. Wisconsin also showed her the exit talk about a career strikeout. The Brewers response they banned both fans from the ballpark.

4:23 I'm sorry, is not being able to attend a Brewer's game some sort of punishment. Sign me up, baby. Breaking news from the cosmos. We've got a space rock playing cosmic Chicken with Earth, and NASA's playing Lookout even during a government shutdown, because nothing says dedication like tracking potentially planet destroying chunks of space debris while most of Washington is at home binge watching c SPAN meet asteroid twenty twenty five TP five sounds like a robot's social Security number, which decided to swing by our planetary neighborhood yesterday at four nine pm East. It cruised past at sixty three hundred and twenty eight miles from Earth, which is basically the celestial equivalent of a drive by wave. For context, this asteroid is about the size of a six story building, so essentially, it's like that one weird neighbor who gets too close to your property line, except this neighbor is made of rock and traveling at several thousand miles per hour.

5:22 The real kicker. Astronomers only spotted this cosmic party crasher on Tuesday morning. That's right, this asteroid has been playing hide and seek with Earth since nineteen seventy nine, and we just noticed the good news. No imminent planet destroying scenarios today. NASA's asteroid tracking is so good now that we're basically catching these space rocks like their softballs at a company picnic. Just another day in the universe, folks. Portions of today's show were made with the help of gay I and Ai