WEBVTT
1
00:00:03.200 --> 00:00:12.000
Caloroga Shark Media from Poolside. I'm Johnny mag with your
2
00:00:12.039 --> 00:00:14.800
daily commedy news. Jhanny Mag are ree poolside again. Yeah man,
3
00:00:14.839 --> 00:00:17.760
it's August now. A month from now, you know it'll
4
00:00:17.800 --> 00:00:21.359
be cooler and I'll be teaching my college class about podcasting.
5
00:00:21.480 --> 00:00:23.719
And you know you gotta enjoy these moments while you can.
6
00:00:24.120 --> 00:00:28.480
Trevor Noah is back involved with the South African tourism industry.
7
00:00:28.800 --> 00:00:33.240
They've launched a second international marketing campaign featuring comedian Trevor Noah.
8
00:00:33.320 --> 00:00:36.200
They are seeking to attract more foreign visitors at a
9
00:00:36.240 --> 00:00:38.960
time when the country's global reputation has been dented by
10
00:00:39.039 --> 00:00:44.280
renewed xenophobic tensions and anti illegal immigration protests. The Tourism
11
00:00:44.320 --> 00:00:47.719
Business Council of South Africa and Tourism Marketing South Africa
12
00:00:47.799 --> 00:00:50.840
unveiled the Tourism in South Africa with Trevor Noah campaign.
13
00:00:51.479 --> 00:00:53.560
The campaign is titled didn't Say We didn't tell you.
14
00:00:53.679 --> 00:00:55.759
Let's let Trevor Noah tell you about it. Hi.
15
00:00:55.840 --> 00:00:58.799
There, I'm Trevor Noah, still South African, still a comedian,
16
00:00:59.079 --> 00:01:02.320
and still getting from all over the world about South
17
00:01:02.359 --> 00:01:05.000
Africa because I guess apparently I'm the only South African
18
00:01:05.000 --> 00:01:08.280
people can ask why not ask black coffee Charlease Elon?
19
00:01:08.480 --> 00:01:09.840
Okay, maybe don't ask Elon.
20
00:01:09.920 --> 00:01:11.920
But the point is I've decided to come to our
21
00:01:11.959 --> 00:01:18.120
tourism headquarters to answer your questions head on, questions like this,
22
00:01:19.319 --> 00:01:22.200
Why didn't anyone tell me there were so many climates?
23
00:01:22.280 --> 00:01:25.959
I only pecked for the beach. Well, English been three
24
00:01:26.079 --> 00:01:28.000
to six, then South Africa we have it all.
25
00:01:28.079 --> 00:01:29.200
You can explore.
26
00:01:28.840 --> 00:01:34.640
Majestic mountains has skating waterfalls, desert dunes and boundless savannah plains.
27
00:01:34.760 --> 00:01:36.680
You get the idea. Now, as it turns out, I've
28
00:01:36.680 --> 00:01:40.200
got a whole bunch of travel vacation e type things
29
00:01:40.239 --> 00:01:43.200
to tell you about today. Chelsea Handler laid out her
30
00:01:43.239 --> 00:01:47.159
strict rules for family vacation. She spoke to People magazine
31
00:01:47.159 --> 00:01:49.159
about this, and she said, if you want a vacation
32
00:01:49.319 --> 00:01:52.560
with me, these are the rules. Okay, what are the rules?
33
00:01:52.680 --> 00:01:55.200
Chelsea Handler? By the way, if you want to hear
34
00:01:55.439 --> 00:01:59.519
just how relatable Chelsea Handler is, pay attention here. In
35
00:01:59.560 --> 00:02:02.120
her twenty twenty five book I'll Have what She's having,
36
00:02:02.159 --> 00:02:05.480
she wrote a letter to her extended family establishing proper
37
00:02:05.599 --> 00:02:08.719
vacation etiquette after she paid to take them on a
38
00:02:08.719 --> 00:02:12.400
trip one year. That's nice. She observed a quote shortfall
39
00:02:12.439 --> 00:02:15.639
of manners and left feeling quote embarrassed and taken advantage
40
00:02:15.639 --> 00:02:19.879
of after they visited her homes in this is very relatable.
41
00:02:20.000 --> 00:02:23.520
Los Angeles, okay, fine, Majorca in Spain, and Martha's Vineyard
42
00:02:23.560 --> 00:02:26.319
in Massachusetts, because you know everybody has those kind of places.
43
00:02:26.840 --> 00:02:29.520
Her first request were for her family to say hello
44
00:02:29.560 --> 00:02:32.240
to all the people working in the home. We are
45
00:02:32.240 --> 00:02:35.680
told they didn't need to have long conversations with the housekeepers,
46
00:02:36.240 --> 00:02:38.400
but they do need to acknowledge their existence out of
47
00:02:38.400 --> 00:02:41.879
decency and respect. Chelsea Handler asked that her family be
48
00:02:41.960 --> 00:02:44.520
thoughtful of others when it comes to food and drinks.
49
00:02:44.560 --> 00:02:46.599
Clean your plates after a meal and put them in
50
00:02:46.639 --> 00:02:50.680
the dishwasher, and do not consume copious amounts of alcohol.
51
00:02:51.280 --> 00:02:54.639
Wait until everyone's been served before grabbing more food. And
52
00:02:54.840 --> 00:02:57.080
when I make a picture of Martaritez, don't finish the
53
00:02:57.080 --> 00:03:00.280
picture unless you're willing to make another. She expects her guests,
54
00:03:00.360 --> 00:03:03.759
especially younger relatives, to remain engage during family activities like
55
00:03:03.759 --> 00:03:06.599
a game, movie, or dinner. She says they can sacrifice
56
00:03:06.639 --> 00:03:08.479
their phones and video games to be present for an
57
00:03:08.479 --> 00:03:10.800
hour or two at night. Sounds like a lot of
58
00:03:10.800 --> 00:03:14.319
fun hanging out with Chelsea Handler. She requires a contribution
59
00:03:14.520 --> 00:03:17.000
from her guests. A contribution does not mean financial, it
60
00:03:17.080 --> 00:03:19.400
means what pleasantness are you planning to bring on vacation.
61
00:03:19.680 --> 00:03:21.520
It's not a free for all. I don't care how
62
00:03:21.560 --> 00:03:23.360
much our family annoys you. It's the only one we've
63
00:03:23.400 --> 00:03:27.439
got and we're stuck together for life. She sounds fun. Meanwhile,
64
00:03:27.639 --> 00:03:30.240
Rob Beckett spoke to the Guardian. You know Rob from
65
00:03:30.400 --> 00:03:33.439
last one laughing at uk. Rob Beckett's till the Guardian.
66
00:03:33.879 --> 00:03:35.919
We do a lot of Disney theme park holidays. When
67
00:03:35.919 --> 00:03:38.120
my wife turns into some sort of army sergeant. She's
68
00:03:38.199 --> 00:03:40.080
up at the crack of dawn, backpock on, hair done
69
00:03:40.120 --> 00:03:42.479
and pigtails, hat on. Kids ready to go. That's how
70
00:03:42.520 --> 00:03:44.879
you gotta do Disney, dude. You got to be there
71
00:03:45.080 --> 00:03:47.280
the second the gates open and make a b line
72
00:03:47.319 --> 00:03:49.960
for space mountain. Beckett said, when you have kids, they
73
00:03:50.000 --> 00:03:52.680
basically ruin holidays because you're not relaxing. You're parenting and
74
00:03:52.719 --> 00:03:55.199
more danger hotter, with less sleep. And then they get
75
00:03:55.199 --> 00:03:56.439
to an age where they're big enough to play in
76
00:03:56.479 --> 00:03:58.319
the pool, but they're also having their own separate holiday.
77
00:03:58.360 --> 00:04:00.120
They'll be in the pool playing with each other, so
78
00:04:00.159 --> 00:04:01.680
you're getting in for a bit, but they don't want
79
00:04:01.719 --> 00:04:03.240
you to play, and then they play with some mates
80
00:04:03.280 --> 00:04:05.439
they've met, Whereas when you go to Disney, it feels
81
00:04:05.439 --> 00:04:07.599
like you're on holiday with them as mates because you're
82
00:04:07.639 --> 00:04:09.560
going on the rides together, eating together, you go to
83
00:04:09.639 --> 00:04:11.120
bed at the same time you wake up, so it
84
00:04:11.120 --> 00:04:14.280
feels like you're on holiday with them. A different vacation.
85
00:04:14.599 --> 00:04:17.000
Rob Beckett said, we went to Spain last year after
86
00:04:17.040 --> 00:04:18.920
being really busy five nights in a row. The whole
87
00:04:18.920 --> 00:04:21.480
family slept for ten hours. We just did nothing and
88
00:04:21.480 --> 00:04:23.879
then basically we go to breakfast five minutes before it ends.
89
00:04:24.040 --> 00:04:26.360
He would not like traveling with me. My family makes
90
00:04:26.360 --> 00:04:29.439
fun of me. I have a full day itinerary, and
91
00:04:29.480 --> 00:04:32.879
I mean full day now. Their brains are an autopo
92
00:04:32.959 --> 00:04:34.319
that I'm like, hey, we got to be here, we're
93
00:04:34.319 --> 00:04:36.759
doing this activity. Here's your passes. I have a folder.
94
00:04:37.120 --> 00:04:39.040
If I get hit by an asteroid, somebody else can
95
00:04:39.120 --> 00:04:41.560
run the vacation. It's all laid out. Here's all the vouchers,
96
00:04:41.560 --> 00:04:43.759
here's everything, here's the schedule, Here's where you get the bus,
97
00:04:43.800 --> 00:04:46.560
all that, But I don't go on vacation to see
98
00:04:46.560 --> 00:04:49.759
the hotel room. I want to see the destiny. Also,
99
00:04:50.040 --> 00:04:52.759
as much as I love the beach, I don't go
100
00:04:52.839 --> 00:04:54.800
to the beach on vacation because I'm like eh, and
101
00:04:54.839 --> 00:04:56.120
go to the beach around here, like when I was
102
00:04:56.120 --> 00:04:59.240
in Australia. Believe me, Australia has got awesome beaches. And
103
00:04:59.279 --> 00:05:02.040
I did one one half day on Bandai Beach, which
104
00:05:02.079 --> 00:05:04.439
was just amazing. But I was like, you know, I
105
00:05:04.439 --> 00:05:06.879
could sit on the beach at home. I can't climb
106
00:05:07.000 --> 00:05:09.360
the Sydney Harbor Bridge, which is a real thing I did,
107
00:05:09.360 --> 00:05:11.560
which I highly recommend a lot of fun. I can't
108
00:05:11.560 --> 00:05:14.759
do that at home. I digress. Rob Beckett said, I'd
109
00:05:14.759 --> 00:05:16.920
sleep forever. I was so relaxed that one time I
110
00:05:16.959 --> 00:05:19.439
was on the balcony It's like around five o'clock. The
111
00:05:19.519 --> 00:05:21.720
kids were out of the bath chilling and lou was
112
00:05:21.759 --> 00:05:24.360
getting ready for the night. I was sort of josing
113
00:05:24.399 --> 00:05:26.480
and I said to myself, if I die now, that's fine,
114
00:05:26.560 --> 00:05:29.680
I'm all right. And he laughed at that notion. Different vacation,
115
00:05:29.759 --> 00:05:31.279
I went to Seville with my wife and a couple
116
00:05:31.319 --> 00:05:34.560
of friends and that was amazing. We watched real Ba tiasplay.
117
00:05:34.639 --> 00:05:36.879
I love football, so Ville is amazing for eating and drinking,
118
00:05:36.879 --> 00:05:39.399
so that was really nice. Go in August. If they're
119
00:05:39.399 --> 00:05:41.120
having a bit of a cold week, book a last
120
00:05:41.120 --> 00:05:43.040
minute deal because the hotels will be cheap. It's really
121
00:05:43.120 --> 00:05:45.120
quiet and empty because it's too hot for most people
122
00:05:45.120 --> 00:05:46.360
to go. But if you keep an eye on it,
123
00:05:46.600 --> 00:05:49.319
you get cheap accommodation and cheap flights at the temperature drops.
124
00:05:49.360 --> 00:05:52.319
That's interesting. Spain is awesome. Beckett says, we're going to
125
00:05:52.399 --> 00:05:54.399
do a road trip through Europe, which we've never done before.
126
00:05:54.399 --> 00:05:56.600
We're going to drive through France in the Champagne region
127
00:05:56.639 --> 00:05:58.519
and then end up at Europa Park at theme park
128
00:05:58.519 --> 00:06:00.920
in Germany. I do love a hotel room with the
129
00:06:00.920 --> 00:06:03.360
family because I feel you're just war relaxed, and the
130
00:06:03.439 --> 00:06:05.879
kids love breakfast. They go down and absolutely demolish it,
131
00:06:05.920 --> 00:06:08.399
and then you set them up for the day. Keenan
132
00:06:08.480 --> 00:06:13.439
Thompson has some car buying tips. Now this is an advertorial.
133
00:06:13.560 --> 00:06:16.680
He was being paid to share these tips, but let's
134
00:06:16.720 --> 00:06:19.759
roll with it. Keenan Thompson has some must have car
135
00:06:19.879 --> 00:06:24.920
essentials for parents. Number one hand sanitizing wipes Keenan Thompson says,
136
00:06:24.920 --> 00:06:27.079
definitely wipes. You gotta have wipes when you have kids.
137
00:06:27.600 --> 00:06:31.800
Number Two hand sanitizer. He keeps hand sanitizer nearby for
138
00:06:31.879 --> 00:06:34.639
quick cleanups after snacks, playground trips, and busy days on
139
00:06:34.680 --> 00:06:37.319
the go. He also keeps napkins on hands just in case.
140
00:06:37.759 --> 00:06:40.360
You know. I use the middle console thing in my
141
00:06:40.480 --> 00:06:42.519
car and I always have napkins in there until my wife
142
00:06:42.560 --> 00:06:44.560
gets in the car and boys, she goes through all
143
00:06:44.560 --> 00:06:46.720
the napkins. I don't know what she's doing over there. Shotgun.
144
00:06:47.120 --> 00:06:48.879
A lot of napkins disappear, and then I have to
145
00:06:48.879 --> 00:06:51.439
go to Wendy's and get new napkins. Keenan said, I
146
00:06:51.439 --> 00:06:53.079
try to keep my car pretty clean and not a
147
00:06:53.079 --> 00:06:55.560
lot of clutter, you know. So I've done that. Then
148
00:06:55.639 --> 00:06:57.920
my not the car i'm driving now, my last car,
149
00:06:58.079 --> 00:07:00.680
this Hyundai Tucson that I got out when the kids
150
00:07:00.680 --> 00:07:03.360
were young, and I decided this car I'm not going
151
00:07:03.399 --> 00:07:05.600
to be precious about. There's a line I like that
152
00:07:05.680 --> 00:07:08.480
said that battleships aren't meant to sit in dry dock.
153
00:07:08.600 --> 00:07:11.120
They're meant to go out and get in battle. So
154
00:07:11.160 --> 00:07:14.079
I took that attitude with my Hyundai Tucson, which served
155
00:07:14.079 --> 00:07:15.839
me really well. I got to two hundred and five
156
00:07:16.079 --> 00:07:18.519
thousand miles and then the transmission broke and I wanted
157
00:07:18.560 --> 00:07:21.600
to save it, and my and my mechanic that I've
158
00:07:21.600 --> 00:07:23.839
been using for years look me, and I was like, don't.
159
00:07:24.639 --> 00:07:26.079
So I had to let that one go. But anyway,
160
00:07:26.240 --> 00:07:28.399
with that car, I decided, this is the car that's
161
00:07:28.399 --> 00:07:30.279
going to go to soccer games and to the beach,
162
00:07:30.319 --> 00:07:31.800
and it's going to get sand in it, and it's
163
00:07:31.839 --> 00:07:34.040
gonna get dirty, and that's okay. And that's what that
164
00:07:34.079 --> 00:07:37.199
car did, and I loved it. Before starring on SNL,
165
00:07:37.279 --> 00:07:39.600
Keenan Thompson was saving up for his first car, a
166
00:07:39.720 --> 00:07:42.720
Toyota four Runner. He said it was my prize possession
167
00:07:42.720 --> 00:07:44.720
because I bought it with my own hard earned cash.
168
00:07:44.759 --> 00:07:46.680
It wasn't gifted to me. It was something I earned.
169
00:07:47.160 --> 00:07:49.920
My favorite feature was that the backglass window would roll down.
170
00:07:49.959 --> 00:07:51.959
I thought that was really cool for a hatchback kind
171
00:07:51.959 --> 00:07:55.360
of truck. I thought this was fun. From Deadline, it's
172
00:07:55.399 --> 00:07:58.480
called the laugh List. It is a list of the
173
00:07:58.560 --> 00:08:03.720
year's best unproduced to comedy screenplays. Deadline explains it is
174
00:08:03.759 --> 00:08:07.560
a new ongoing survey recognizing the year's most promising unproduced
175
00:08:07.560 --> 00:08:11.399
comedy screenplays. Unveiled in association with Just for Last Montreal,
176
00:08:12.040 --> 00:08:14.439
The list has ten screenplays that emerge from a field
177
00:08:14.439 --> 00:08:16.959
of more than forty nominated projects. The scripts are in
178
00:08:17.040 --> 00:08:20.439
various stages of development, somewhat studios attached and some not.
179
00:08:21.319 --> 00:08:25.720
Here is the list. Number one. Daniel Bennett Needs a Friend.
180
00:08:26.079 --> 00:08:29.040
The world's richest and loneliest man funnels his near infinite
181
00:08:29.079 --> 00:08:32.960
resources into making one friend. I could see Steve Carell
182
00:08:33.039 --> 00:08:36.279
in that Couldn't You? Yeah? The Flu Game during the
183
00:08:36.360 --> 00:08:40.399
nineteen ninety seven NBA Finals, pretty specific, four desperate Utah
184
00:08:40.480 --> 00:08:43.399
Jazz fans bet their life savings against the Chicago Bulls
185
00:08:43.759 --> 00:08:47.480
and hatch an idiotic plan to poison Michael Jordan, accidentally
186
00:08:47.519 --> 00:08:50.840
creating the infamous and very real Flu Game. That sounds amazing.
187
00:08:50.919 --> 00:08:53.200
Let's get that made right now. Who should we cast
188
00:08:53.200 --> 00:08:57.840
in that as Utah Jazz fans? Maybe like Ben Marshall
189
00:08:57.879 --> 00:09:00.600
from the Police. Don't destroy guys, Marcelo Hernandez. Let's reunite
190
00:09:00.639 --> 00:09:03.799
everybody from the seventy two hours movie. Why not? Next up,
191
00:09:03.840 --> 00:09:07.240
it's I'd like to speak to your manager, Jake, really,
192
00:09:07.279 --> 00:09:10.799
really wants to return those stupid little paper towels. I
193
00:09:10.799 --> 00:09:12.919
don't have any ideas for that one. How about Island Man,
194
00:09:13.360 --> 00:09:16.600
after heroically sacrificing himself to save a hijack plane and
195
00:09:16.600 --> 00:09:19.919
spending five years on a deserted island. This already screams Sandler.
196
00:09:20.200 --> 00:09:22.799
A roguish doctor returns from near death to reunite with
197
00:09:22.840 --> 00:09:25.519
the love of his life, only to discover she's married
198
00:09:25.519 --> 00:09:28.399
a totally normal dude named Jake. But this isn't the
199
00:09:28.440 --> 00:09:31.559
hero story. It's Jake's and Jake is so eft that
200
00:09:31.600 --> 00:09:34.679
could be Sandler right. Next up, it's pistols at three
201
00:09:34.879 --> 00:09:38.039
forty five. After a petty online feud between two local
202
00:09:38.039 --> 00:09:41.399
councilmen goes viral, the politicians are pressured by their small
203
00:09:41.440 --> 00:09:44.000
town into a real life gun duel, leaving them both
204
00:09:44.039 --> 00:09:45.840
desperately trying to figure out how to get out of
205
00:09:45.879 --> 00:09:48.960
it without looking like a woos Well. Ferrell popped into
206
00:09:49.000 --> 00:09:50.840
mind as I read that to you. In Rush, a
207
00:09:50.960 --> 00:09:53.879
college student is sexually assaulted by frat guy that's not funny,
208
00:09:53.879 --> 00:09:57.080
who faces no consequences. She and her best friend rushes
209
00:09:57.120 --> 00:10:00.759
fraternity undercover to get revenge, only to I'm the unlikely
210
00:10:00.799 --> 00:10:03.720
stars of Delta Iota Kappa's pledge class and get in
211
00:10:03.759 --> 00:10:06.840
way too deep, too complicated for me to work out.
212
00:10:07.240 --> 00:10:09.559
How about this could be our night after the release
213
00:10:09.639 --> 00:10:11.360
of a crush list, there is the final night of
214
00:10:11.399 --> 00:10:13.600
high school and a chaos. Two best friends must sneak
215
00:10:13.639 --> 00:10:16.440
out to a wild graduation party so one of them
216
00:10:16.440 --> 00:10:19.120
can hook up with her longtime crush. How about the
217
00:10:19.159 --> 00:10:22.360
accidental scroll. A man is recording his podcast next to
218
00:10:22.360 --> 00:10:24.679
the pool when suddenly his mouse jumps and moves the
219
00:10:24.679 --> 00:10:26.519
script at Now that's not a real movie, although we
220
00:10:26.559 --> 00:10:30.320
could make that where worry the planet is effing awesome,
221
00:10:30.440 --> 00:10:33.080
except they actually use the naughty F word in the title.
222
00:10:33.159 --> 00:10:35.279
Not sure that's going to make it to the theatrical release.
223
00:10:35.320 --> 00:10:38.559
That might be a working title anyway. Twenty years after
224
00:10:38.559 --> 00:10:40.759
their best friend went missing, a group of stoner friends
225
00:10:40.879 --> 00:10:43.159
or zapped to a fun party planet where they find
226
00:10:43.240 --> 00:10:45.720
him alive. They must race across the planet before the
227
00:10:45.720 --> 00:10:48.399
only portloald or home closes forever. I don't know about
228
00:10:48.399 --> 00:10:51.159
that one. That sounds like one episode of Rick and Morty.
229
00:10:51.679 --> 00:10:56.360
Next up, it's untitled erotic teen fan fiction movie eighteen
230
00:10:56.679 --> 00:10:59.960
writing erotic fiction online must collaborate with her schools. Primisky
231
00:11:00.120 --> 00:11:02.200
was quarterback when asked to write about her non existent
232
00:11:02.240 --> 00:11:04.879
love life for a publisher, I'll pass on that. And
233
00:11:04.919 --> 00:11:08.440
then there's Witch Please. Two black wannabe viral ghost hunters
234
00:11:08.440 --> 00:11:11.480
are transported back to sixteen hundreds, Massachusetts to defend a
235
00:11:11.480 --> 00:11:14.039
little white girl's mother who's been accused of being a witch.
236
00:11:14.600 --> 00:11:17.480
That one does have a producer attached Kevin Hart's heartbeat.
237
00:11:17.960 --> 00:11:20.519
That is your comedy news on a summer Sunday. We'll
238
00:11:20.519 --> 00:11:21.399
see you tomorrow.