Will Ferrell’s “The Hawk” Panned, ESPYs Marcello Hernandez monologue breakdown

0:03 Callaroga Shark Media. I realized that on today's show, I'm gonna sound like Silkie Johnson, winner of the Haters Ball. Hello, I'm Johnny Mack with your daily comedy news. I hate you, I don't even know you, and I hate your guts. I hope all the bad things in life happened to you and nobody else but you. The reviews for Will Ferrell's The Hawk are not good. The Independent, with the headline Netflix Golfing Comedy, gives Will Ferrell his own crappy Gilmore two stars out of five. The Hollywood Reporter said, you might think it would be impossible for a TV show featuring Will Ferrell, Molly Shannon, Jimmy Tacho, Fortune Fimester, Chris Pornell, and David Hornsby not to generate at least a few laughs. Perhaps the biggest issues that everybody's essentially playing good type. Fortune Fimester is more or less the same filteralistic centric she played on shows like Foo Bar or the short lived Middy Kayling sitcom Champions. Chris Parnell abuse his PGA board member with the same disarmingly perky charm he's been peddling for decades.

1:06 Molly Shannon is perhaps the standout, though even her withering scorn is nothing new. No one feels real, least of all Ferrell. They add. Ferrell is a performer whose glory days have seemingly passed. Where he once ruled the box office, now he's grinding out a comeback on Netflix. The New York Post said, Will Ferrell's The Hawk is a pale imitation of his earlier work. He's been all over the place doing outrageous antics to promote it. It's a shame it didn't seemingly put that effort into making sure the show wasn't a dad. It's a story that might have made for an amusing yet forgettable, five minutes Saturday Night Live sketch. It's tedious as a five hour series. At the very least, it's obvious that his skills are best for a movie, not stretched across a ten episode series.

1:49 The Hawk is painfully unfunny. The Daily Bet said twenty years ago, The Hawk would have been a ninety minute theatrical comedy. Today it's the latest feature film idea to be overextended to the point of worthlessness. Will Ferrell was at last week's SP's which will give us a nice smooth transition to our second target today, Marcelo Hernandez. Now you might be wondering, Hey, John, what if we took the unfunny Will Ferrell and put him on stage with the unfunny Morselo Hernandez. What might that sound like? Well, I have a clip for you. I have edited this for pacing so you don't lose your mind and turn off my podcast. Warning. I know that this clip is bad. I know that this clip is gonna make you want to hit skip. But to illustrate today's theme, I have to play the clip. Here's Will Ferrell with Marcelo Hernandez, who does one thing.

2:37 As a Latino. It's very important for me to represent my community every chance I get, and I'd like to take a moment to do that now in a special way. For the first time in the history of the sp Awards, I am going to present an award entirely in Spanish. I just thank you, yes, thank you. I just don't want anybody to feel left out. So I just need a translator. Can anybody, I'll do it. I'll do it. I can translate. I can translate for you. Are you sure, Will Ferrell? Yeah? Yeah, you speak Spanish. Yeah, sure, okay, yeah, of course I do. All right, come all right in a little Spanish film, Yeah we'll ferrel.

3:18 Yeah yeah, I'm happy to I was in a little Spanish film called Talladega note Chase, so okay, so yeah, all right, yeah, let's do this. Sure, okay, all right here damas caballeross me or notice the premio tang in. Hey everybody, Uh, what's up? Gang? Were feeling good? I'm excited to present this next award here in the world's greatest sports arena, Madison Square Garden. Can I get a? What what.

4:04 Am dipla? As a young boy growing up in Miami, I didn't have many friends. Uh. Most of my friends were stray dogs I had collected in the neighborhood and I gave them names. There was George, there was Peaches. There was Alexander. Often late at night I would press my private parts against. I didn't even talk for that long. Ouch. You may recall last year's host was Shane Gillis, who the establishment athletes did not welcome. I thought Shane was hilarious. What's Shane up to now? Marcelo Hernandez has the answer.

4:50 I also want to shout out last year's host, Shane gillis h he is watching from home like a true American on his couch, gonna be here while a Hispanic guy does his job. Do you like hack jokes like the hackiest of hacked, most obvious? How long did it take you to write that joke? Because I have one for you. In nineteen seventy three, hockey players didn't wear helmets, basketball had no three point line, and in nineteen seventy three, Bill Belichick was the age his girlfriend is. Now, Wow, that's pretty hacky there. Marcelo then turned his attention to the Nicks. Now on the video of this, Jalen Brunson made the face that Taylor Swift should have made at the Joe Koy joke way back when Jalen did the ha ha ha ha that's funny. But you can tell he did not find this funny because it's not funny.

5:43 And Jalen Brunson, Rick Brunson's son got to win an NBA championship with his dad as the coach, which proves one thing, which is that nepotism, like most things, is way cooler when a black guy does it. Next up, we have a WNBA joke that isn't that bad, but I think he mispaced it ended comedy. Timing is everything, and I also think this kind of joke would have worked better for say Shane Gillis. I also want to shout out the WNBA players for signing a new deal and they're not making more money than ever before. Yes, yes, it's a lot of new money in the WNBA. Man opening up the door for a new reality show Basketball Husbands and Wives, But mostly.

6:42 Whis okay Marcelo? How about the World Cup? World Cup is the time when American sports fans remember what the word world means. They usually think it means the US and one team from Toronto. I will say it has been amazing to see Americans learn about soccer and Europeans learn about ranch dressing. And I have something to say to the Europeans. Come in here. It's not so easy to stay skinny here, is it. I've really enjoyed watching you slim snobs eating our delicious junk food. And this is real karma. You called Americans fat for hundreds of years, and now look at you drinking ranch, taking it home with you like a weirdo. That's the fattest thing you can do.

7:31 By the way, Wow, that is just bad. And you might be saying, Johnny Mack, you're just such a hater. Surely Marcelo Hernandez must have had one good joke, and you're right, he did have one good joke. And here it is gradulate one player. I want to congratulate Caleb Williams, the quarterback for the Chicago Bears, who will be on the cover of the new Madden video game. Congratulations to Caleb. Yeah, and Tiger Woods will be on the cover of Grand Theft. Auto Carlos Mencia. It sold the California Post. All I did was not pay my taxes being arrested the guns. That was a very shocking thing. I was compared to al Capone. All I did was not pay taxes. I never cheated on them. I never got paid in cash.

8:13 I never didn't sign a ten ninety nine. How much money I made will come out because I never hid that. Carlos showed up in court. So what do you wear in court? You dress up nice, you wear a suit, You try and look professional. Carlos wore a University of Oregon jacket and a T shirt and blazon with the words super funny. Now I'm not a judge, but I probably wouldn't have reacted that too well. But again, I'm up for winning the haters ball this year. Up again, Silky Johnson. Mencia's attorney argued that Carlos should be able to list his la estate in order to help pay his over three hundred thousand dollars tax bill. The attorney also attempted to unfreeze assets from Vincia's bank accounts so he could pay living expenses and his attorney fees. I could see why that might be important to the attorney.

8:54 The judge ruled that Carlos could list his Encino mansion, believed to be valued at over four and a half million dollars. The judge also allowed for one hundred thousand dollars to be taken from the bank account. Carlos told the California Post at the end of the day, we're going to take care of this. It's how we got there. That's a little painful from a psychological and physical standpoint. They got what they wanted. They got the attention of this issue for me, So it is what it is. Dane Cook, serious actor, perhaps Jeff Barker, who's that he's the father of Obsession director Curry Barker and a screenwriter Jeff Barker is writing and directing his own psychological horror short film, Medium Rare. It will start Deane Cook. Medium Rare follows a man trapped inside a bar where reality begins to unravel in increasingly disturbing ways. Perhaps Dane Cook's character is forced to watch the hawk. Hey, remember the other day I mentioned Thom Sigore not wearing a wedding ring, and I shared that for a while playing volleyball, I wasn't wearing a ring. Don't read anything into it. So I showed up at volleyball the other night and two of my teammates were there. They were mid conversation, and the conversation was like, yeah, you know, you could stick it in you know, your shoe or something and won't get lost. And I'm like, what are you guys talking about.

10:01 One of my teammates wanted to take off his wedding ring for volleyball because his fingers were swollen. He had spent the entire day with his wife. They had a nice day. Don't read anything into it. Sometimes we're just playing volleyball. It's almost time for season eighteen. If It's Always Sonny in Philadelphia, FX has announced it'll be back Monday, August seventeenth, with what they're calling an expanded ten episode season. We have all lived long enough that ten is now an expanded season. That's because the previous three seasons were only eight episodes each, which goes really quickly, especially when they show two a week. Season eighteen premieres at nine Eastern on fxx FX and Hulu. We are told now the longest running live action sitcom and TV history. It's Always Sonny follows a group of deeply self absorbed friends and they're chaotic misadventures while running the failing Philadelphia dive bar Patty's Pub. Now, to be fair, this show's been on for twenty plus years eighteen seasons. Is the bar failing because it's been a steady business for two decades?

11:00 I mean, how long do they have to own this thing before we consider it a successful business. We've got some plot points here, minor spoilers. It's always sunny, don't worry about it. In season eighteen, Charlie mcdennis, d Stupid Bird, and Frank are wrapped up in a salvaging inheritances from a dead woman, b surviving tent encampments, and the great inside outside divide between the haves and have nots. C Withstanding job loss at the hands of workplace automation. Four you switch from the letters to numbers. John, Yeah, I did, embracing a newfound appreciation for neurodivergence. Five, questioning the fabric of society against conspiracy theories, and six the biggest elephant in the room, outlasting the public's pendulum swing against drinking.

11:42 We're told not to mention battling nerds, LARPers, and a particularly petulant mcpoile clan at the Renaissance Fair were sports washing their way back into the good graces of their community by sponsoring a little league team. All those sound like really, really good plots. Kevin Hart likes to work. He's got a new season of Cold as Balls. You know, that's the show where Kevin Hart sits in a cold tub with famous sports figures. They were getting ready to film new interviews live at Fanatics Fest in New York over the weekend. Guess we're scheduled to be Serena Williams, Rob Gronkowski, Cooper Flagg, Sean O'Malley Zlatson, you know, the guy that basically ran Alexi Lallas out of town on World Cup coverage. We all love that guy, and I show speed now as cool and hip as I am.

12:24 I had a google Sean O'Malley, who apparently currently competes in the bantamweight division of the Ultimate Fighting Championship. So although I don't know who he is, I'm sure Maggat comedian Ate Berghazy's familiar with Sean O'Malley can talk about that. For a second. I was just thinking about this, can I be honest? If the President of the United States wants to come on this show, he's coming on now. If he comes on Daily Comedy News, I'm probably gonna ask him about like Saturday Night Live and some comedy stuff that he's done, and then eventually I'll get to it. But like, this show's not sixty minutes. I know, I know sometimes she confuse it for sixty minutes, but this isn't sixty minutes. I probably ask him who his favorite comedians are, you know that stuff, and then maybe with the end, I could be like, hey, you know this thing with the war, you know, I might get that in at the end, and then you guys would all be like, MAGA podcast host Johnny Mack had the President on, but meanwhile, I'll have the number one podcast that week. You know, we could probably talk about Late Night. I'd be like, hey, mister President, you know, what's your deal with Jimmy Kimmel?

13:16 And then he'd say his stuff and I'd be like, now, the one thing I do agree with you on, mister President, is twelve thirty. This seth Meyers thing. It's got to be better, right, And then he would say some stuff and I'd be like, that's right, make twelve thirty great again. Then he would laugh, and then I would ask him about Colbert, and then you guys would be like, come on, how come you're not ask him about election interference? And I'd be like, I'm guy in the basement, what do you want to do. I will also welcome whoever runs for a president on the Democrat side. That person is also welcome to come on here, and I will also ask them about their favorite comedians and if they've ever hosted Saturday Night Live. I Digress. Cold as Balls will now be on Netflix with six new episodes with those guests that I told you about. Kevin Hart said, Coldest Balls coming in Netflix feels like a homecoming. I'm pairing two of my favorite ease together for an unbeatable conversation and content. I love that for twelve going on thirteen seasons, thirteen seasons of this. Now Kevin's a billionaire and doing really well. Does this thing of cultural impact or people watching this thing? I love that for twelve going on thirteen seasons, the show continues to be a celebration of sports and entertainment. Then he went into some corporate speak and plugged his other stuff, and this is sad. The High Planes Comedy Festival has announced it's over. Festival organizers posted on Facebook, all good things must come to an end, and man has High Planes Comedy Festival have been good.

14:32 After thirteen years and a dozen amazing festivals, we're calling it. Founded by comedian Adam Clayton Holland, High Planes focused on local comedians and national comedians. The announcement said we'll be taking the next few months to say goodbye. We want to see your favorite picks from High Planes over the years, so post them and tag us or email them to info at Highplanescomedy dot com. They're going to host one last official party, a blowout show Saturday, November twenty first, at the Skylark Lounge on South Broadway. Performers TBA, sorry to hear that, Fellas, and that is your comedy news for today Hater edition see tomorrow. I hate you, I hate you, I don't even know you, and I hate your guts. I hope all the bad things in life happen to you and nobody else but you